SLOWLY, AND THEN ALL AT ONCE

It's been a month since I've seen blood, and I'm not going to be with you for a long time. I went to the last day, and I ran to the car, and I had a lot of solid things (I left them shredded). I ate it and I drank the water. I was going to. I fell asleep with the feeling that I would get better. I know I've had enough, but I will miss you ... I hope that you're alive. The memory still make me feel warm.

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I keep saying that I'm going to say that I don't want this anymore. That something has got to give and I won't put up with this much longer. How I'm going to tell myself that you can't keep doing this and that you need help. That you are a danger to others and a danger to you. A danger to me.

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What is the drug that will drug this feeling out of me.

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There was a gap in that room, a lot of ikea lamps, I put the papers on the rack, and I just left some in the box, and I was holding a humidifier, and when there was nothing, then I saved it away in the bottom drawer. Today, I'm going to have a look at the part time job, I'm going to have fun, I'm going to meet a lot of people, I'm going to run away.

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These days I spend a lot of time on the internet. I think I spend too much time on the internet, because I don't want to get left behind this time.

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There are these fleeting seconds that come. Some rain-soaked days. Dazed, overtime. The deadlines, dissapearing, the dotted line. The white dotted line on the road, the bus home from work, some day last Christmas. Many days since our last Christmas. Moments that I still feel it. It stabs me so sharply I that swear I am bleeding. That all I am is pouring out of me, pumping straight out of my heart through my eyes and mouth, staining the clothes I am wearing and pooling around me in bright and red. That something is turning my flesh inside out. That all of them can see me.

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I found some old notebooks the other day from school. Old assignments. What do I want to be when I grow up? And some of the pages were stuck together but I think I had big plans. It made me wonder when I'll feel like one of those people - I never really thought I'd be. And I haven't really lived, so I have nothing to worry about. And, I said to myself, I said I have to remember that it comes like this.

And I think it must a good thing. It reminds me I've got days, and I have to get to the point.

I think I'm going to get out of the house.

I think I'm going to be happy and going to finally get back to be.

7,715 days